my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
