why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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