Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
