i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
