Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
tonight lets celebrate not being married
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize