i just wanna soil my oats bro
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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