she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
