I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
