Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
