No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
