Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
