You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Randomize
