Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
