Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
