and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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