I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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