That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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