Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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