Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
