you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
