I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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