Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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