Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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