What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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