ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize