just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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