NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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