If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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