I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
