the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
