I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
