two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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