Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I still have a little drunk in my system
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
