There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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