Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
