dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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