He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
