i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You ate ashes out of my bong
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize