i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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