No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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