turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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