I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize