We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
