you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He did a backflip because drugs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
