Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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