I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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