I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize