my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
How does it feel to date your dad?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
