Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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