you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
