Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
