'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
