hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
