This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
