No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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