oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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