I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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