Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
