You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
