I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
