***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
