I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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