please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
They are going to name an STD after you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
