shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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