I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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