i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
