Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize